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The following article was published in our article directory on February 16, 2013.
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The Single Question That Will Dramatically Decrease Your Relationship Issues

Article Category: Relationships

Author Name: Mario Torres

Why is it that we have relationship problems?


It is not unusual for us to feel upset because of something someone did or said and respond in an hurtful and angry manner. Yet, in reality, it is not what our partner did or said that made us feel so upset, it was the meaning we attached to it.

Consider this. When you feel angry about something it is quite likely more about what you say to yourself after the event occurs than about the event itself. Our negative self talk is the real reason why we have relationship problems.


Relationship Problems Are Rooted In the Meaning WE Give to Situations

Imagine, for example, that Norah has been waiting for her boyfriend Dave to call all evening. He is on a business trip to Hawaii and he promised he would call her at 5pm after he got off work. It's 8:00 now and Norah has not even received a text from Dave.

She feels very upset about this. She feels unimportant and uncared for. But it is not Dave not calling that makes her feel like this. It's actually the meaning she gives to the situation and what she says to herself.

"Why hasn't he called?" "I don't think he cares about me, or he would have called." "Maybe he is with someone else." "He is always like this!" "Maybe he doesn't love me as much as he used to." "What happened to our great relationship?"

This thoughts, this self-talk, are the actual reason why Norah is so upset. She has given the incident many negative meanings of which she is not sure of any.

Dave finally calls her at around 10 pm. By now, Norah is profoundly sad and very~ angry. As soon as she picks up the phone she lets it out on Dave big time. "You always do this!" "It's like you don't even care about me anymore!"

Dave tries to explain himself by saying that his phone ran out of battery and he hadn't had a chance to charge it until he got back to the hotel. He truly wanted to call Norah but he just was not able to do it. He had a very, very busy day and he was really looking forward to talking to her.

Norah is in a very negative emotional state due to all her negative self talk so her mind is naturally directed to past events in which Dave had disappointed her. "Last week you ..." and so a tiring argument is started. Isn't this how many relationship problems start?


So, how can we solve relationship problems?

Imagine how different everything would have been if Norah had asked herself this powerful, transforming question:

WHAT ELSE COULD THIS MEAN?

If she had asked herself this question, she could have come up with several different positive meanings. "Maybe he is very busy." "His cellphone must not be working." "I am sure he will call later." "Maybe he's stuck in a meeting."

The state of mind or the emotion that this thoughts produce is completely different to the ones she had. If she had asked herself this question, she would have remained calmed and happy, she would have felt loved and cared for despite Dave not calling her on time.

By the time Dave actually called, they would have engaged in an entertaining, stimulating conversation in which they talked about their days and how much they missed each other.

Norah would have mentioned, in a calmed and loving manner, that she didn't like having to wait on Dave's call and that she would really appreciate him calling at the scheduled time.


It is by changing the meaning we attach to situations that we are able to avoid relationship problems and maintain loving and fulfilling relationships.

If you really want to stop having relationship problems and start creating wonderful relationships with both your significant other and everyone else with whom you interact, then I strongly suggest you make a habit out of asking yourself "What else could this mean?" every time you sense yourself starting to feel upset. try to come up with as many positive meanings as you come up with negative ones.

If you are going to assume a meaning anyway, you might as well assume something positive. This new habit will dramatically improve your relationship as well as your emotional and mental health.

I GUARANTEE this will improve your life. It has mine.

Keywords: Relationship Problems

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